Beauty

Beauty. There's beauty all around me. The beautiful American wilderness rushing by. The beautiful rain spattering on the windows of this beautiful train. The beautiful fields flooded and green. A beautiful morning. A nice book and good coffee and a great view.

This whole trip was about running away. Yet, the more I run away, the more I run to it. Beauty is an inescapable part of my life that I shall always want. That I shall always pursue and be denied. And just when I am about to give up, beauty thrusts itself upon me.

As I take in this beauteous moment, I think of her. She who taught me to enjoy the littlest of things. She, who showed me the beauty of spontaneity, the beauty within and without, and the beauty of two held hands in a dark world. She, who made me live and love. She, beautiful.

She, lost forever in the maze of life. At once mine and not mine. At once hurting and hurt. The beauty of contradiction. She was my love. And now, she's gone. Living only in my dreams.

To love beauty is to want perfection. Yet the cruelty of life denies us. And we run away, run away from it while it takes us in and throws us out all over again.

The truth is, there is no running away. Stay still and embrace it. Not just the beauty of joy, but also the beauty of sadness. There will never be one without the other. We desperate humans and our plans! None of them will work. Nothing turns out the way it should.

Life, take me. I give in to the madness. I see not what is in store. Drown me in joy and sadness.

Drench me. With beauty.